To simply exist without over thinking and being firm in your perspectives, your soul need to be flexible and tuned.
I was grabbed by an ill mood during this period. Allowing my mind to fill in the silence gaps, I felt lost in my shadowy room.
I couldn’t decipher my bizzare reactions and how I ended up the way I am right now. Fully exasperated and desperate. I looked deeply into the incident in vain. I still feel that ache in my bottom and a sudden chill pass across my body.
Teared by two incomprehensible feelings, I am sorry and angry for the things I let them happen to me. How do I repent? How do I correct my mistakes? How shall I behave? These thoughts are housed in my nervous mind with no reply. I see myself as guilty but I it’s hard to say sorry, I even didn’t get used to it.
Blaming my self to the point of self-resentment, I find it urget to clear up everything and start with an inner purification. This can only be achieved by a motherly, warm and tender reinforcement making me strong and capable of overcoming lifes’ misfortunes and failures. Cause I take reponsability of my acts and words, I shall never allow my myself to ruin my peaceful state of mind.
The most thing that worries me is the future in terms of my decisions and my actions. I find consolation in the words of Allah, in His perfect judgements and rules. The path to Truth is complicated and I am striving to figure it out through the words of my consolator, my merciful protector. One day, I will learn how to be mindful and to shif colors to live!